Wooden Shoes and Marihuana
...or the proper way to run a country
In Holland, we do things differently
The Dutch like to smoke weed, go to prostitutes and wear wooden shoes, we all know that. But how do things really function below sea level? Let me tell you about the Dutch Way.
The Dutch like practical solutions
As you know, visiting a prostitute can be a hassle. But not so in my city, Utrecht!
Here, the Red Light district used to be just out of town (why it is not there anymore is a complicated story I won’t bother you with). The ladies of the night performed their trade in a long row of houseboats. There are no houses in the vicinity so no local residents who are disconvenienced. In front of the boats was a small road with a little roundabout at each end. Customers would drive past the boats and then turn and pass the boats another time, or even a few times, to sample the offerings of that night. As I said - the Dutch like practical solutions.
Unfortunately, in the morning, one could often see condoms floating downriver. What can I say? Nothing is perfect in life, not even in Holland.
The Dutch like to compromise
For the Dutch, finding a compromise is an art form. We like to polder. It is a way of negotiating in which all parties involved understand there is a mutual interest. That’s why the Dutch political system is called the Polder model. This has reasons that go way back.
A polder is a piece of land under sea level. Many of them were created in the 17th century. A dike was constructed around a piece of wetlands or a lake. Water was pumped out and the land drained. That’s why there are so many windmills: they powered the pumps that drained the land. Everyone living in the polder (rich, poor, farmers, craftsmen) had to work together because of a common overarching interest: to keep their feet dry.
Hence the name Polder model.
The Dutch don’t like to go on strike
Because of the Polder model, unions and employers are not as antagonistic as in other countries.
When they negotiate about wages, benefits and lay-offs, unions and employers realize that partly their interests are aligned. Squeezing as much as you can out of their negotiation partner doesn’t help anyone in the long run. For example, the unions realize the competitive edge of Dutch companies is important for their survival, so wages can’t rise too much. Because of this, there are relatively few strikes compared to France for example. There, going on strike is a national pastime. In 2017, Frenchmen went on strike for 123 days per 1000 employees. In Holland, it was 8 days!1
When KLM-Air France (who merged in 2004) proposed layoffs and a reduction of the generous wages and benefits, the Dutch employees basically said okay. It was obvious something needed to be done in order to remain competitive with low-cost airlines like Ryan Air and Easy Jet. The French employees, on the other hand, tried to lynch the board members. If you think this must be an exaggeration, watch the clip above, it is crazy stuff.
No wonder KLM is almost three times as profitable2 as Air France, despite carrying only 2/3 the number of passengers.
The Dutch (don’t) like their Marihuana
Another example of the art of compromise is the Dutch policy regarding marihuana.
Contrary to what most foreigners think, marihuana has never been legal in Holland. It is only condoned (gedoogd in Dutch). Different interests and perspectives had to be reconciled. The result? A Frankensteinian policy that tries to square the circle.
Selling soft drugs to the public is allowed, but growing or importing is persecuted. Of course, selling to the public is only possible when weed is imported or grown. Pretty crazy, but a compromise was reached, that's the main thing.
This means you can buy marihuana or a pre-made joint in a marihuana café (which in Holland is called a coffee shop, for some reason). But don’t get caught with half a kilo of marihuana on the back of your bicycle, or else.
In my city, the coffeeshop is right next door to an ice cream parlor. This makes sense, because getting high while licking an ice cream cone is as close to paradise as you can get this side of Heaven!
The Dutch like to organize things well
Okay, sometimes we overdo it. Look at this photo.
The sign says “Dog toilet”. I tried to make my dog do his business here, but he pretended not to understand me. Even in Holland, we can’t make dogs relieve themselves on schedule.
When I showed this sign to a Brazilian friend of mine, he couldn’t stop laughing. He immediately took a picture and put it on his Instagram for his friends back home to have a good laugh at our expense.
The Dutch like to plan their protests well
In Holland, even demonstrations are well-organized.3
All the stakeholders discuss things beforehand to smooth out the wrinkles. No protest without the proper license, of course, and there is no way around Health and Safety Regulations!
Vandalizing bus stops is strictly rationed: only one per demonstration. Don’t forget to put on your safety goggles though, or you will get a fine!
Watch the hilarious video below to learn how to protest the Dutch Way (with English subtitles). Very funny.
What do you think: are the Dutch crazy, or just smart? Would your dog shit at the dog toilet? What would you buy: a joint, an ice cream cone, or both?
Let me know in the comments below. But make sure to do it in an orderly fashion!
Some of my other posts about all things Dutch are:
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This week, there are huge protests in France, because President Macron wants to raise the retirement age from 62 to 64. In the Netherlands, a few years ago it was raised from 65 to 67 and three months without any protest. Come on French! Life expectancy has risen exponentially. A man of 65 can expect to live 5 years longer than one in 1956 when a state pension scheme for every citizen of the Netherlands was installed. If you have to provide for senior citizens 5 years longer, the bill will be considerably higher. Something’s gotta give. I have to say, in this regard my respect for the French is low. They seem like spoiled toddlers to me. Not very smart toddlers, either. Mostly young people are protesting, who in the future will have to pay the bill for this unsustainable scheme. Of course, burning cars and bus stops is great fun, I have been 19 myself.
https://airlinepassenger.guru/airfrance-klm-culture-performance-differences/
This chapter is (mostly) a joke.
It seems to me that the Dutch have a healthy perspective on it. At least they have a sense of humor about their attempts at orderliness. Your blog is case in point. My impression of German and Swiss orderliness, though, is that they take it maybe a little too seriously.
Hilarious, Henk! And I will stick to the ice-cream cones for now, thank you very much.