Don't trust your feelings, they might change
“What the hell am I doing here?” I thought while climbing the stairs of the metro station. When I arrived in the street, rain was pouring onto the glistening boardwalk. It was 23.00, and I had arrived in Madrid 1,5 hours earlier and was desperate for a place to rest. Where was my fucking Airbnb?
Again, I thought,” What am I supposed to do here for a week?”
Five weeks ago, I had been told my temporary contract wouldn’t be renewed. After a few days of adjusting to this new reality, I began looking for a new job. Also, I had some unused vacation days, so I decided to make a little trip abroad. But where to go? I could have gone anywhere in or near Europe, but I decided to go to Madrid to see Velazquez in the Prado. He is one of my favorite painters, and the Prado incredibly has 65 of his paintings. But standing there on the wet pavement in the rain, I wondered: is Velazquez enough reason to spend a week of my time and € 800, - of my money? I was doubtful.
A week later, I left Madrid for Toledo. I felt sad; I would have liked to stay longer because there were many monuments and museums I still wanted to see, and I had begun to get to know and appreciate Madrid.
After a 30-minute ride by High Speed Rail I arrived in Toledo. It seemed full of tourists, which sucks the life from such a town, and again I thought: “What am I doing here?”
At night, after installing myself and resting for a few hours in my Airbnb, situated beautifully near a gate in the ancient city walls, I went for a walk. The mystery and beauty of the medieval town under the stars captivated me immediately. It was so beautiful.
Again, when I left two days later, I felt sad for leaving so early.
It is a pattern: I make a decision to go somewhere for whatever reason, and most of the time, when the moment to leave approaches, I don’t feel like going at all; I can’t remember why I ever wanted to go in the first place, and even after I have arrived, I know I made a terrible mistake, carelessly wasting my precious time and money. Then, after a while, I begin to appreciate my destination, and in the end I am so happy I overcame my inertia. I like what it says in my Lonely Planet Guide for Madrid:
‘All you’ve got to do is decide to go and the hardest part is over.”